Two
memorial services in two days. Consecutive tear evoking emotional roller-coasters that couldn’t have been more different from one day to the next. And yet at
their base level they were the same. The cast of our human dramas had changed,
the names on the marquee were different, the size and scope of the production
were polar opposites, and the lines for the key roles were scripted with
different pens. But at the end of each day we’d bid farewell to a friend,
parent, sibling, and spouse and the aches in our hearts were all too similar.
Friday,
April 1, 2016 Betty M. Horst was laid to rest at the Eternal Valley Memorial
Park in Newhall, California, nine short days after her passing on March 23,
2016. Betty is my sister Stacey’s mother-in-law, a relatively recent addition
to our extended family with the late summer wedding for my sister and her
husband and friend Glen. (I refuse to think we are in the fall season of our
lives) About 30 or so gathered in the Chapel of The Oaks at the mortuary. There
are a couple of 36” flat screens mounted on the wall just above the chancel,
big enough for anyone seated at the back pews to see clearly as the photo
montage of Betty’s life rolled throughout the service from black and white
portraits through the family shots with Glen as a little boy in suspendered
pants and then as a young man with black mustache while wearing Magnum style
shorts and finally shots of Betty at various events.
The
program for Betty’s service in front of me is a classic “In Loving Memory”
style with a photo on the front and historical dates under Betty’s photo. There
are a few key photos inside the heavy stock paper document with the 23rd
Psalm printed on the facing page while on the back is more historical data. There was no agenda other than
to read the Psalm and talk a little about the woman we knew.
Stacey’s
grief was palpable while Glen held himself in check with a key role to play in
the service. This was the memorial service for a member of our parent’s
generation and was all the more real to us with the struggles of our dad and my
wife’s mother ongoing. As folks arrived they came to pay respects to Glen,
Stacey, and Gene, Betty’s husband of 65 years. Tears flowed and hugs were
exchanged while some words just couldn’t be expressed.
The
itinerant pastor took the dais after the mortuary representative welcomed us
and thanked us for attending. Itinerant Pastor is my best description for him.
He was next in line from Eternal Valley’s call list who spent all of fifteen
minutes with the family in preparation for the service. He read the Psalm and
spiced his oration, largely about his own experiences, with seeds of hope for
those Betty had left behind.
Glen
presented his mother to us with words from an aching heart at the loss of his
mom. He was eloquent without being flowery. He was honest and direct about how
she lived, what her passions and prides were, and what she means to him. When
he faltered he gracefully gathered himself to the task and let us come to know
Betty M. Horst all the more deeply. Glen provided all we need to hold the
memory of Betty close to our hearts as we pray for peace for Glen, Stacey,
Gene, and the rest of the family and friends.
After
the service each of the attendees made their way over to gather in the
courtyard of a Mexican restaurant for appetizers and soda. Cindy, three of
Stacey’s kids, Kaylynn, Brad, and Jeff, and I took a table inside and had our
own family time when the courtyard setup was overrun. We made a place for
Stacey to get a break from it all to join us from time to time. A little
Mexican restaurant was where the celebration of life took place and that was
all right with us.
On
April 2, 2016 I met seven other motorcycle riders at a Shell station in La
Canada to ride out to the Centerpoint Church in Murrieta, CA. We picked up a
ninth rider along the way and took a businesslike trip down the freeways to
join up with another 60 or so bikes in the parking lot. It was a destination
ride to celebrate and memorialize our friend and fellow rider, Joe V. Ramos,
who had lost his battle with cancer. Cancer sucks.
Joe
V. Ramos was taken on February 18, 2016, over 50 days before. Joe was a former
California State Park Ranger and a motorcycle enthusiast. I met and rode with
Joe and Karen, his wife, on one ride. That’s it, one ride. I wish it had been
more. I was touched by Joe through the Facebook posts I saw scrolling through
as he battled cancer and finally succumbed. The best that I can explain it is
that I was moved by God’s Spirit to write a memorial post to Joe from and with
our mutual friends (http://ironsideup.blogspot.com/2016/02/tribute-to-joe-ramos-dear-joe.html).
Centerpoint
is a cavernous meeting hall with stackable chairs for several hundred. A 30
foot screen is mounted center stage with two 8 foot screens to either side,
both are conservative estimates. The program of Joe’s service is printed on
magazine quality paper with his State Parks photo on the cover and a Sunrise of
6/3/1959 and a Sunset of 2/18/2016. This is a man in the early part of my own
generation, a peer, if I could be called that. A history of “Team Green” is printed on
the inside cover with a photo of Karen and Joe riding off and a photo of Karen,
Joe, and his two kids, Amanda and Joe. The contrast to Betty’s service shows up
on the agenda. There was meaningful music to Joe and a thorough Eulogy from
long-time friend Ken Roybal who Emceed the service that included special guest
speakers and presentations from the California State Park Rangers that included
a flag which had flown over parks where Joe had loved and served as a Park
Ranger. There was a Proclamation from the California State Senate and plaques
with various insignia from the State Parks and four riders’ groups; The Inland
Empire Rolling Thunder Motorcycle Club, The Lost Coast Victory Motorcycle Club,
The Southern California Victory Riders, and the Southern San Joaquin Victory
Riders Motorcycle Club. I think I mentioned that Joe loved riding and loved
riding with Karen.
The
service was wrapped up with an open microphone with heartfelt comments from
Karen and the two kids who all did a wonderful job of sharing Joe with us. Several
friends took the mic and shared stories of Joe. The open mic was followed by a
video tribute, closing comments, and an excellent prayer by Kevin Shaw.
We
adjourned to ride and eat, two of Joe’s favorite things. We rode in a stately
group of seventy bikes or more, complete with blockers and sweeps and a lighted
State Parks vehicle. It was a tightly packed and well ridden tribute to Joe and
his rider’s legacy. Dale Moews had the honor of riding Joe’s Anti-Freeze Green Victory Cross Country. Dale was as profoundly affected by Joe’s life and death
as anyone I met throughout the day. Peace Dale.
We
gathered at Ken Roybal’s place in Lake Mathews in the Perris area at the end of
our 65 mile ride. We had food and the fellowship of riders and family, two
distinctions that blur during our times together.
What
draws us to memorial services? I can think of four things and many times our
attendance is a combination of the first three. We attend because we are there
to honor and celebrate the life now gone by, we go to be a comfort to the
family and close friends of the deceased, we go to be comforted, and in the
end, we go because we’ve lived a life worth remembering and are the one being
celebrated.
Still,
why do we have a need to memorialize and remember? I believe it is because
we have a deep need to be connected to people, someone special to us. And
because of that deep need, once we’ve found someone, we realize that it is
difficult to let go without wrapping up our memories with other friends and
family members.
As
a Christian I have what I’m sure some people, even other Christians, would
think of as an odd take on this. It was during that somber 65-mile ride that I
considered what Jesus felt about the need to be connected. Did He have it? Yes
He did. While it was paramount for Jesus to be connected to the Father, he
surrounded himself with close friends, 12 disciples, his mother Mary, Mary and
Martha along with their brother Lazarus for whom Jesus wept (John 11:35).
His
need was so deep that Jesus took several of his closest disciples with him to
pray during the darkest hours of his ministry on earth. He was disappointed
when they could not remain awake with him as he faced the final hours of his earthly
ministry, his betrayal at the hands of someone he loved, his trial, beating,
and crucifixion. The Sacrifice that he made gives us hope as we remember those
we love and have lost at their final day with us.
So, for the facts that Jesus wept for a friend, remembered them fondly as they
passed on, and made the ultimate sacrifice for us, I say we should memorialize
to our hearts content and remember Joe and Betty for the lives they lived, for
the love they gave, and that we hold on to them in our hearts to live our lives
knowing the difference they made to us.
Keep
the iron side up, ride with passion, live with integrity, love like no one does
it better… Peace
jerry